Now that European Leagues are back in action, am going to find myself out much more than I have been since May. Actually since the finals of the champions league, I haven’t been out much. Champions League champions league! The last night!

I left the office that Wednesday in high spirits. I was headed to Embakasi’s Nyayo Estate to see this mamaa. With the traffic on Mombasa road that day, I got there at around 7. Had a nice dinner and a number of glasses of Famous. Mamaa has no love for football and there was no way I was going to miss the Man Utd vs Barca game. That meant I wasn’t going to watch the there and had to leave at around 9. By my estimation, 30 minutes was enough for me to get home just in time for the game. Took me down stairs with an umbrella as it was raining heavily, started the engine and I was good to go.

On reaching some place on North Airport Road, the Lancer went dead! Tried to crank it once, twice, thrice, dead! I opened the hood checked the battery and noticed one of the terminals had gotten loose. Searched for a spanner size ten which I always carry with me when driving and tightened the damn thing. By then, I was seriously wet! The rain was not sparing a brother not to mention that section has no street lights except for the lighting provided by the neighboring buildings. By the time I was done fixing it, I could hear people cheering from a bar afar and could tell the game was on. Got into the car kicked once, twice, thrice, dead! Battery was too low. No one was in sight therefore no one to help kick start the damn car!

I walked to the bar where the cheers were emanating from. The rain hitting my hide sets madly. By the time I got to the door, I was dripping wet! Not to mention I had no jacket, just a plain shirt, a vest with the tie left in the car. I could feel my socks were wet too! That’s how heavy it was! When I walked in into the bar, I looked like those two reds guys in the Guinness commercial who walk into a blues territory, only that after the game I wasn’t going to be ‘hi fiving’. Most of the seats had been taken and had to have my beer standing for the first half of the game. By half time, and a goal down, some disgruntled fans walked out. I was happy that I was going to have a tall stool for myself but mad at the unpatriotic mafans. A true devil never goes down! That’s how it has been since the epic win of the 98/99 season.

Second half came and Man Utd couldn’t crack the gallant Barca midfield. The second goal got in, and some more fans walked out. Game came to an end, my team had lost, I was wet and cold though I feel it was much colder but the alcohol gave a little sense of warmth. The ‘mahaters’ almost drowned us with their celebrations. I don’t think the Spanish League has such a following and I concluded these were disgruntled Gunner fans who had lost big time to Man Utd in the semis, and had lost a fan to suicide after the thrashing right here in Embakasi! Liverfools who had relinquished the EPL, Chelseans who were on the verge on coming out of the season trophyless, and others who just didn’t like Christiano.

After the game, I convinced some three guys to help me out and they obliged. They could have done me a lot of injustice if they didn’t help after I had thrown them some rounds. It was my game plan on a night when Fergie didn’t seem to have much of it. We went to the car and we tried to start it without success. I opened the bonnet and we checked the distributor. Wet wet wet! When I was fixing the battery the damn thing got wet from the rain hence the little sparks couldn’t ignite the fuel. We pushed the car to a nearby shade as the rain got even heavier! Got a dry cloth from the boot and opened the distributor and wiped it dry. One of the mboyz who knew a thing or two about cars got into the driver’s seat and we tried to kick start it again. The thing came on and I got a warm feeling inside! I was going to get home finally or so I thought! The thing went off! WHAT NOW! I screamed! We attempted again and again and it couldn’t start again! SHIT! I cursed! Cold and wet, expected at work at 8.00 in the morning, and here I was on a Wednesday night about 40-45kms away from home, clock reading waaaay past sleep time! 2am!

Then an angel, unexpected at that hour called! “Why are you still awake at this hour?” I asked. “You didn’t call or text or say you got home well, are you ok? You sound shaken, is it because of the game? Did you loose?” She couldn’t believe I was 5-8km away and hadn’t told her of my predicaments much earlier. She sent her cab over to come for me. Meanwhile, we downed another round with the mboyz who told me that that was their local. A guard offered to look after my junk for the night for hundred bob till morning and off I went back to Nyayo.

Morning came, 5.30, just before the night guard had left. Looked at the thing and there seemed to be no hope for it to start. Took a matatu to town and took another home. Shower, change and off to work. The banter at work for loosing the game was just too much. But they didn’t know what had cut during the same night. I had ignored my workmate’s phone calls during the game. I couldn’t reply to their texts, the fingers too frozen.

I sneaked out of work in the afternoon with a mechanic and off to Embakasi to check on the Lancer. Kumbe the guy who had offered to start the car the previous night ‘kanyangiad’ too much fuel leading to an over flow, the plugs got wet and that why the car couldn’t start! Trouble with carburetors! We got some new plugs and the thing came to life!

The 09/10 season? I don’t have much hope with my team. This year I see Chelsea and Inter Milan doing well. Any surprise, may be Real Madrid. I however hope to be home on the night of the finals in May 2010.

Playlist

Kirk Whalum – All I do

Revivification

Savvy mentioned in twitter (yes I got hooked too and thats where I have been making noise) that I have abandoned (that’s a strong word you used lady!) my blog. Well yeah, this place feels cold. I won’t go into finer details on reasons because they are many. I have a number of drafts in my soon to be formatted HD but I can’t seem to trace them all. Too much stash I found in that 80GB from hentai to some old old old jazz singles (yes I do that too not just hardcore underground hip hop) collection.

Birthday Boyz

Gream’s birthday slides past like any other day. I was however surprised that I share the day with a very brilliant writer. He suggests we meet and see who is the oldest. Then 3 days after, 6^th July, this other equally brilliant writer shares a birthday with this thought provoking one.  I also noted ¹/₃ of my alter ego’s friends on Facebook are July fellaz!

What’s cutting?

This year, has been tough in the business. Reduced corporate spending on asset finance has seen my line of hustle take a beating. The company has experienced tough times as result and factors like (IMHO), poor management. For example taking a huge ass loan (10M!) to buy Safaricom shares during the IPO in anticipation of a quick kill on the onset of trading in the NSE was a bad bad idea. Well, we all know shares are not doing very well and the loans have to be repaid. Due to this and a myriad of other problems, the company has cut on both unnecessary and necessary spending. An example of this; the line of business we are in banks heavily on print media advertising and major ad once a fortnight is the worst you should do, coupled with daily line or two in the classified , for you to scoop a market far and wide. With 3 adverts in a year, and classified far in between, we are left to do with walk-ins, come back customers and referrals. This has hurt the business, the heads and hurts harder, the foot soldiers. I am one of the foot soldiers.

Bucket list

I have observed all these and taken precautions. Though the situation isn’t greamy yet, precautions have to be taken. I have cut down on expenses too though I haven’t subjugated my nephew to what economikriser here did to us years ago. My bucket list of things to, and not to do, looks like this…

The Big Screen at Home

What used to be a movie or two (depending on time & movie) a week has come down to movies mainly on the couch with a glass of juice, a mug of coffee or tea and at times a reasonable amounts of kahawa or cane liqueur.  My face was too kawaida at the theatres that they knew my favorite seat and I even got to know David, a projector guy with Nu-Metro. David, thank you for the complimentary tickets. Now you know for sure I haven’t been there for sometime because I notice they have re-branded to Silverbird. I have also reduced airtime at Alliance Française. Yeah, I catch plays now and then though cutting down on this feels like a mistake.

The Shining

I hate to polish shoes. I have a post about that and will put it up sometime down the line. That said, for years, say 3-4, I never polished my shoes. I am, or I used to be those guys you find seated on those stools getting their shoes fixed. The Classic Shoe Shiners at NHIF in Community or Nakumatt Lifestyle and the lone Kiwi guy at The Junction (this is where I catch  or used to catch my flicks) must be wondering where I disappeared to. I used to warm those stools atleast three times a week and this is an expense I have done away with.

Screw the local & other joints

Another stool I haven’t been warming much is that at the bar. I haven’t been out much lately. Though I suspect this will be watered down at the beginning of the European leagues football action. Yes I do that too, and I shout hoarse when a beautiful goal is scored. Though I didn’t on the night of Champion’s league Final in May. Now you know where my allegiance lies. I have found myself out on very few occasions and ones that I had to be there because friends want me there. Now you know why I wont be telling tales like this one

Rationing Candle lights

When I walk to any of the coffee joints I frequent, there is a waiter or a waitress who knows I like him mine extra hot, strong, with milk (I correct them when they asks “white or black?” it’s with milk damit! Nothing like white coffee!) That way I can have it with little or no sugar and the flavor is timam. My house coffee with a plain croissant habit has been cut down from daily vice to once a week at worst or with a friend. My twice a week visit to mama Oliech’s joint has come down too. I bet you didn’t know I love fish that much. Though I don’t like the fish fillet served in most of the upmarket restaurants. It’s never as fress as that at Olieches. Dinners at those Chinese, Indian or Ethiopian restaurants have also been cut down and it’s a huge saving I must say.

Screw Tao

I have cut down on going to town unnecessarily. Town has been for wedding committee meetings (though I have skipped a number), a fortnightly haircut. Office errands to town haven’t been thrown my way much lately. Going to town is a hustle. Time spent in traffic and when you get there, there is a random lunch or an unplanned dinner, coffee, tea, or one for the road (which is never one!), unbudgeted for purchases, fare spent or fuel guzzled. This has seen me get home earlier than usual, a lot saved and a well rested me to boot.

Matatus I didn’t say they bad vs Self Drives

Hitching a matatu has been fulfilling. Even with a ride available for use, mine or the company’s, I am avoiding the use one of one. You fuel; you fix any other problems in it. But am not ready to shoulder the cost of replacing the suspension and bushes and fixing any other problems a 1991 Celica available for use is having. I used it for a day and it almost had me overturning in it because of a problem with the front left axle. Then someone puts pressure on my behind to sell it. I can’t sell the car in that shape, friend, fix it first. Don’t expect me to then you disappear after it’s put in order. There is also a 1987 Lancer available with a loud exhaust just like the Celica but this one is nasty! She gave me hell of a night in the rain during the champion’s league final.  A post about that night lies somewhere in the HD. Don’t even mention the fuel she gobbles. She is up for sale too.

Home? Yeah, what about home?

Home front, a less filled fridge. A chicken or two less. Beef cut. Lots of beans and vegiez taking over. I am expecting power rationing (however much we are not liking it) to bring the bills down. Any more cutting would mean there will be no microwave & hot shower. Why am kidding on the hot shower part when I know very well I hate cold showers? Water has been used sparingly (cut shower time by half ie 15 mins) and the results looking positive. Water bill has been cut by atleast half though still high compared to my friends who are on kanjuz line because our flat and neighboring ones rely solely on a borehole owned by our landlord and other area lords. On saving water, the cisterns in use in most households use atleast 10 litres every time we flush the toilet! May be those building new dwellings should use modern ones that use at most 3 litres. I have seen a number of these and they it quite a saving. I thank God for the water part because I know what it feels to be on water ration I remember how year 2000 and 2003 was like.

Looking the part

I haven’t picked this CAT I’ve been salivating for in City Walk and neither has that denim I have seen at Ivory, another Enkarasha and another shop whose name I cant recall at Prestige Ngong Road been picked. I am keeping away until its safe to spend and feel guilty not. The shirts feel adequate, for now, and so do the trousers the shoes and ties which I haven’t been keen on lately. However my weekend or casual wear needs a serious make over.  Thank you, you who got me that beautiful stripped shirt .Ok, not that she reads this blog just counting a blessing.

What about the P1 dream?

My mulika mwizi slipped out of my pockets and disappeared but some how I was like good riddance! Because if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have hit 1300 tweets in the three months I have been at it. I dint however replace it with this. Not just yet. Not just yet. Whatever is in use for now is not so bad after all however light and tiny it is. Besides, I have a feeling (delusional or not) of luck with Samsungs considering it’s the only model I have never lost without a neck, an arm twist, just a slip or a smooth pick-pocketing. Hope I just didn’t cook my goose by saying that.

The Award Goes to….

I guess the most satisfying of all cuts.  Emotional baggage. Not that I carry it around like a girl’s clutch though. I’ve been avoiding cursing a driver who cuts into my lane rudely. Ignoring that other driver that suddenly makes a turn without indicating, see, I have been telling myself, “hey buddy, you aint driving that one, concentrate in this one”, haven’t been in an ugly exchange with anyone, bamba-20s(Nziokxs) cut loose, phone book size reduced and honestly, its good riddance. Am less angry with life, and my heart feels lighter. I have had loads of laughs from crazy tweets to the few blogposts I have been able to read. I have also revived an old me that read a novel every week. Though this has been rearranged to include inspirational and any other book worth. Right now doing The Temple and The Lodge by Michael Baigent & Richard Leigh. And putting up this post cuts down on pressure to do one too.

Sunshine after the rain?

I got to the shore of the Feb money that you were itching to know what get rich quick it was. That add, the savings made have been put into some shares that I think will do well. But I cant be too wrong on this and again I consider shares a long term investment until the day I can buy do a million shares today, offload the next week. I want to believe 98 Degrees were right when they sung, “there is sunshine after the rain…….”

The Curtailing clique

Myself: Even as I do the cuts I have found myself slipping out of self designed path. For example, the other day I was in town to catch a hair cut and take advantage of a 50% off (it was their offer for a birthday boy) massage at my barber shop and decided to have a beer and ended up having three when I met a lady friend who I went to college with, with two other ladies. We left the bar together, me for home and them to where everyone seems to be going out lately. Westlands. They ended up propositioning me. Not for what you are thinking gadamit! It was a joint! A puff pass! I dint partake because it reminds me of a beating I got once from mama gream(and another post is gestated. This one will come to term; it will give you abit of gream’s history on indulgence)

The company: With the advertising down, being on commission and no retainer fee, and you have to do what you have to do, my colleague and I have been spending our own money to put classifieds. A line on Daily Nation, a single like goes for between KES 239 to 320 depending on the day. The Standard does KES 184 what nation used to charge three years ago. Though for you to be in the map Nation is the way to go. Though its not a guarantee at all that you will receive a call let alone a buyer!

Landlord: Even as times get tougher, most of friends say their rent is up by atleast 2k. I haven’t been spared too. Though the increase comes in September and this we were informed in May. When I become an investment guru, I want to own a couple of dwellings too.

Weddings: Am not walking down the isle. My friends are and I promise you its not easy being in all those committees (5 of them this year, so far two to go). I sit on one every Wednesday every two weeks for a wedding coming in November and every Thursday for another that comes at end of August. Brothers, sisters, don’t rush into such stuff. You put lots of pressure on your family and friends. If you have to rush, make it simple and not high end budget. Get those passport brokers. They also fix such necessities and at a tiny fee on request.

KPLC: I blame them for a blackout that gave my old TV a knockout it never recovered from on the night of the Confederations Cup. It was left with black screen with no picture but it had sound. I was told resuscitation couldn’t work and it therefore had to be replaced. An expense not budgeted for. All the same, I love the new one.

What’s in your cut list?

Playlist:

Sunshine to the rain – Anthony Hamilton Feat. Miri Ben Ari & Scarface

She was Just a Friend – Anthony Hamilton

The violin on those two songs just too tight

The other day I took a matatu home that had this playlist that reminded me why I love hip hop. Am used to getting into some that play music that really annoys me like binti kiziwi, wezere and others I dont want to mention. It is very rare to come across one that plays Chino XL, Canibus, Mobb Deep (old tracks like shook ones), Pharcyde, M.O.P, Kool G Rap, ATCQ, AZ & Nas, Gangstarr, EPMD Tech9,  & Keith Murray! I mean, all this were into play! For the first time like in the old days when I was younger and had the right to be stupid, I didnt feel like alighting despite the fact that I have all that in my computer. It made me think of a post I can put up on matatus.

Bizarre Side

I dont know what it is with matatu drivers & crew that make them think they own the roads. They will hoot at you and hull insults when you stop to give way or stop at a red light. Citi Hoppa & KBS are also notorious for this especially along Kenyatta Avenue. At one time a driver told me that those in personal cars have made it already and are never in a hurry & are clumsy drivers and thats what makes them furious.  Their failure to give way leads to many small accidents which turn out to be very expensive for the insurance companies.

Chicken Drama

Where I reside, I have two routes to get me to the office or back. One that is more civilized but take me through town then I take another to either home or to the office. This is longer, then I have to bum in the morning (evening is never a problem because I dont get home early) traffic and for me to get to work in time, I have to be awake by 6.30. The second route gets me to the office in 15-20 minutes if I have a ride and 30 minutes if I am taking a matatu. However the route has not police crack downs and it therefore has the most uncouth, archaic and moronic matatu crew I have ever come across. To this day, 5 years after Michuki rules, they carry four passengers per seat. Every time a conductor instructs, “wanne wanne kama orbit” I feel like punching the phuk of the foul mouth.  This route also happens to have lots of mama mbogas and baba maziwa coming from the market with fresh produce. Woe unto you if you have to sit next to one. The other day I had to suspend my legs in the air so I wouldn’t step on  chicken. One lady got in and I asked her if she had colored nail polish on her toe nails otherwise the chicken were going to have a fiesta. I couldn’t help laughing because she had to alight after afew meters, horrified. I had to look for a shoe shiner fast to clean the white, brown & green mavi ya kuku after getting to work. Afew days later we shared a seat. “I have closed shoes today”, she said as I cursed the missed opportunity to be wooed by the said toes that the chicken had fallen for. I had a picture of the chicken ride but cant trace it in my computer. I should put it up when I find it.

Driven a Matatu?

Another thing with this route is, the matatus can stay in one stage for sometime waiting for passengers. Its the kind that one can pack bags in it then rush back to the house for a shower and still get it there at the stage. One evening when heading home, the driver gets off and goes to have a smoke while the conductor got into a mutura joint as we waited. I was itching to get home to watch churchill live but they didnt seem to be in a hurry or bothered by our impatience. I got so infuriated, jumped into the driver’s seat and sped off to the amazement and shock of other passengers. Not to mention I didn’t pay for the ride even though it was a meagre KES3o. It just felt so good. I got off the next stage (about 500 meters or so) and got home just in time. I dont know whether they got their matatu back but am sure none of them is pulling that stunt again on passengers.

Gossip Folks

I hate it when someone asks the driver to lower the volume so he/she can make or pick up an important call. Then proceed to talk loudly like no one else is around. The other day I had a chuckle when a lady picked up a call and couldnt help overhearing the guy on the other end tell her how ‘game’ she was. At times those NOKlAs can be that embarrassing.  Dont pick up a call in matatu. Politely tell the other party you are not in a position to talk.

Insecurity

The said bizarre route is a haven of muggers. So I don’t use it if its very late. It is the same route that this happened. I hear lots of tales of muggings and pick pocketing. There is this notorious group on Ngong Road that gets into a matatu (either route 111, 102, 103, 135, 4, 2) with brown envelopes. Once inside, one of them exclaims “kuna polisi fungeni mishipi” in the mad rush, your pockets are emptied or your handbag cut up and fleeced off your valuables. I hear route 16 to Highrise has weekly reports of hijacks. There is this story of a Thika bound matatu that was hijacked and driven to a coffee plantation where the passengers were stripped naked and each one of them tied to a coffee bush.

The Bright Side

Did I mentioned I got a phone number from the chicken drama lady? Ooh I did. She is a fiiinee one. I call her Chicken Head (tongue in cheek). Some may take it as cheap game but matatus are a fertile ground for pick-ups.

Sometimes back I met this lady with a clothing shop in town. Convincing me a pink shirt will look good took a while but it did work. I have little trouble now looking for good ties & quality socks. I should be getting some good business too from her soon.

I get to talk to alot to matatu drivers to try find out what it is with them and the viability of having your own on the road. Through this I have come to learn alot about the business. If you get a good route you could make good chums. In some other routes, chaos and an endless list of ‘eaters‘ exist.

When I had the K750, it is in matatus that I read most of the blogs. You take a good seat and have a good laugh at the amazing posts that people put up. Cant wait to get back online on mobile.

Edit on 8th May

This was not part of the original post but I had to add this after taking another crazy ride. Was going to work this morning and I got that seat next to the driver. It was raining, the visibility was poor and the driver slowed. I wondered why he was not using the wipers. When it became too much, I turned on the wipers. Instead  of them moving, there came those loud and noisy horns we call parariraz.  The driver told me they dont work any more and he came to a stop. The conductor came out and moved the wipers himself. The demister does not work too and driver asked me to wipe the windscreen for him. In place of the demister, was the loud speaker!

Playlist

The Score (Album)- The Fugees

The Red Carpet &The Ovation

Pink & KK thank you for the award, thank you, thank you. I wasnt about to put up a post yet but I had to come out for this one. While reading some blogs, I find great writings that I at times wonder why I write and make feel like I should quit and just become a reader. But with awards like this, I think am not about to quit. I got mad respect for you all and am really humbled to get this one. You can sit ya behinds down and lets save the claps for my next award.

The Ten

1. I am soft spoken and contrary to what this blog may have portrayed,   I dont talk much. I however thaw with time and could discuss anything.
2. I listen to people. I listen to everyone. Not matter how obnoxious, boring, or… others find you, I listen.  I have had late night conversations that last even two hours on phone as ‘they’ cried a I listened. When it gets worse (unwanted attachement) I loose the Zain line.
3. I have mentioned this before, not in my blog but in comments in other blogs. I got my national ID by hooks and crooks. My driving license, birth certificate & passport. I had to and by all means necessary. ooh, am helping my brother acquire his too.
4. Am the last born in our family. I have two sisters and a brother. Mum passed when I was in class 2. My ‘dad‘ passed 5 years before I was born. My older siblings have however never looked at me or ever treated me as a step brother. I have never counted them as step. They are my sisters, he is my brother and we dont discuss it. I do not know who fathered me & I dont think I’d want to.
5. No one else besides older relatives and now you, know this. Not even the guys who are going to have me as their best man later this year. Its the first time I have ever mentioned it to anyone.
6. I am more attracted to older women than the young. They are less a hustle and abit of a challenge. I have however never entered into a relationship (like, “Meet Chéri, my girlfriend” kind of thing) with any.
7. I made some serious money in Feb and put it into an ‘investment’. A get rich quick kind of thing. I walk out of this one unscathed and I will finally believe I have 9 lives. Dont ask which because am not telling. And its not a pyramid scheme.
8. My nightmares until this post, have something to do with my religious background. I was an alter boy for years and most people believed I would end up being a priest.
9. I  probably should have put some ‘clauses’ in this post before others in a ‘whats important’ kind of order but it was very intentional, just incase you dont read the entire post.
10. I skipped two different coffee dates with amazingly amazing (borrowed from Pink in twitter) women to do this post. It felt good to stand them up because they too have pulled similar and worse stunts on me

The Catch

I would wish to extend the award to the below with the following instructions.

I linked the Pulp Fiction scene because I would love to dance like the two did and I have this movie on top of my favorite movies of all times. I cant also deny that I love the story to the song. Chuck Berry, before Mike Rua, (check this one out (am not saying our local fella is in the same class though)) Jimi Hendrix & others there was him.

The Mourn

I know the header sounds like one of those tales of first timers in matters coital. This is a different encounter. Its been two weeks now since I lost my reliable K750.  I am on what a friend of mine called kamulika mwizi. I feel Severely deprived. Everytime I want to check some soccer result or wikipedia what I have seen or heard about, I fish it out only to realize the best I can do with this one is to mulika other than communicate! Incase I have been missing at yours, its because I heavily relied on that phone to get there. I had the phone for exactly two years. Its the longest I have ever held on to a handset. It has miraculously survived two major muggings!

The Denial?

Got mugged, and I didn’t feel much if anything. It was the third time in a space of one year! Last time a BB pearl & most important, a laptop went. I just let it go and consoled myself that I was planning to retire it anyway. I am looking for the best bargain I can get on this one. I have drooled for it for a year or so.

The encounter with the muggers didn’t scare me. I had a do as you wish feeling. Nonchalant, no fear, no tears, no nothing. I remember wearing no expression on my face. It reminded me of my first encounter (in memory) with muggers. The encounter that is this post’s tale.

A Brother’s debut to GH

My brother and I are waiting for whatever means of transport. We are a place known as Samson Corner. The place is a Y junction of sorts that has two roads that can take you to Nairobi (One via the rice fields in Mwea, the second one via Kutus/ Sagana) and a third that take you to Embu. It was about 2130hr, pitch dark. Dogs barking from afar. No sign of a village nearby. It was a dreaded place. We had however come from afar to get there. We sat on our bags and wondered why it was called Samson Corner in the first place yet there as no corner.

……..rewind rewind rewind.

Meet Shaggy

Its 0700hrs and we are seated outside a building called Mangu House in Thika. We are listening to the new Shaggy album Boombastic from a boom box of  shoe shiner cum pirated music dealer while wait for our uncle to report to his office. It got to 8am and he hadn’t showed up. Several hours after, I could sing to every word in the song Summertime and Boombastic, the first two singles on the album. We were headed to school and this fella called uncle was do shopping for us, give alittle pocket money and bus fare to Mwea where the school was.

The Economikriser(Borrowed from Asterix Comic Book)

He finally showed up at 6.30pm! Took us to a mini shop, bought for us one tiny kiwi, one small Colgate, one roll of tissue, one bar soap, one rexona(I preferred lux back then), one small bottle of ink, one 100g box omo, small tin(I don’t remember the grams on this one) of blue band, then one oval tin of Yolanda jelly(this one used to be yellow in color, you use that thing you shine like forever and attract buzzing bees). All this was one one! Not one one each. It was one each item for us to share! Yet this fella, and other related ones, never showed up for the one and the only visiting day per term! How do you share that tiny kiwi and that tiny tiny Colgate for a term!

The ‘unfantastic’ Voyage

He took us to the bus stop and put us in a Nissan Matatu (I wonder why they called (still do) them Nissan yet they are Toyota Hiace). “This one will get you to school fast.” He told us as we got in.  Those days the matatu’s were few and the route was mainly plied by buses called Sunbird, Marula, Overland, Kensilver and the infamous Riakanau. By then it was afew minutes to 7pm yet we were supposed to have reported to school by 5pm! The journey from Thika to Mwea takes about one and a half hours. He paid our fare left us a hundred shillings each (atleast we were not to share this one) and waved goodbye. This fella was not even accompanying us after delaying us for that long and doing some shitty shopping! So were supposed to go explain why we hadn’t reported to school the previous day, and again explain why we getting to school at 9!

The Truant Deviates

As we traveled, we decided not to go to school at that hour. One, the distance between the bus stage we were to be dropped at and the school was 1km walking distance. Two, the shitty shopping. Three, you had to be out of your mind to report that late. We decided to go to our grandpaz home somewhere near a place called Kutus in Kirinyaga. We had not been there in several years but it was the best option. The matatu got to Mwea and we told the conductor we had decided to go elsewhere and since they headed to Embu they drop us at Samson corner. You should have heard the mussitations from the adults on how kids had become bad (direct translation) and how truancy was on the rise! “And what classes are you in, again?” One of them asked. Me feeling like punching the fnck out of anyone of them who opened his/her mouth to talk about us. Why didnt they mind their own sh1t.

Of  Samson Corner

Finally, Samson corner. Here we were! It was there that we were waiting for whatever transport….Getting a matatu at that hour, at that perilous place back then was unheard off as we got to learn. It was so dark that you could not even see a person in a white shirt approaching. The only sounds we could hear were dogs barking from afar, crickets with their piercing wails, frog croaks, humming mosquitoes and the dreaded cry of an owl. This combined with the Shaggy songs that were on constant play in mind, as I sat on my bag, my wrists on the lower jaw, palms on my cheeks, with elbows poked to my knees, the freezing temperatures biting like it was its duty.  The orchestra was then brought to an end by voices of  approaching guys (soon to be goons). I could count there were about 5 to 6 and they sounded drunk. “Should we run or what?” Asked my brother who was in class 8 while I was in 6. I didn’t really care what was to happen. My heart rate never changed. I felt nothing. What I feared most was getting to school two days late, with uncompleted holiday assignments (sounds like Mourihno on bird flu pressure right?) The shity shopping, the books, the 280 (or so) shillings, and other effects went.

The End

That was the same feeling I had when the K750i went. What occupied my mind was waking up the following day and facing a couple of some corporate fat cats justifying why the company I work for should have the tender.

The Classifieds

Watched the play Dare Kenyans to Love by Churchill. For the first time in a long time! I should get my theater love back! An extremely satirical play. Stars, Larry Asego who plays a large large part depicting booze loving Kenyans and Jalang’o. The play is nonlinear, me felt like I was watching a Tarantino. Get a chance, catch it.

If you love cars, there is a magazine in a duka near you called AUTOZINE. Grab a copy……

China Mini Rant

…… and see how China has perfected the act of copycating even cars! Not just NOKIA to NOKlA! They now do Humvee too!! How fake can they get? Behind me overlooking the window, they are on the fourth floor of an apartment they started in January!

Playlist

Rock me – Freddie Jackson (I really need to get rocked!)

Love Zone - Billy Oc(hieng’)ean

Candy Rain – Immature

Trouble Sleeping – Corrine Bailey Rae

Once upon a time, (thats how tales start right?) Ok twendelee sio? Once upon a upon a time (Sio kitambo sana 4 years ago or so), ‘V’ lived life slow. He had this job that he reported to at 7 in the morning and left at 9 usiku. He used to take 2 matatus to get there. He worked 6 days a week and took a day off on Wednesdays. The Wednesdays were spent doing laundry (‘V’ hated it and still do but glad someone does it now), watching movies, catching strokes (This is where I add ‘V’ misses those days) or just bumming or taking roundie mwenda.

At one time, he was offered a Sunday day off. Not knowing what to do with himself since he was unaccustomed to Sundays, he went looking for a cousin for company and for catch up. As they strolled, ‘V’ noticed a certain damoiselle. She was fiiiiiineee, yaani she was all of that. His heart thawed. “Who she be?” He asked the cousin as she smiled their way beautifully. “Want a hook up?” He asked. ‘V’ was not the kind to get hooked up but this one, he was going to make an exception. She strutted towards them, face looking like it would take a sun ray, turn it to a rainbow and his heart raced like a cardiac patient.

‘V’ doesnt remember his first words to her but over the weekend, the first one of Feb, she reminded him of his cheesy and corny pickup line (It still worked anyway). “You dropped something!” She looked around and retraced her steps with her eyes. “No no no!, my jaw!” The smile got wider and ‘V’ smiled on the inside. “This is my cousin ‘V’, ‘V’, my friend Miss ‘S’.

Days went by and ‘V’, ever preoccupied never got to meet Miss ‘S’ much. However his cousin would pass by when he got home to drop salams from Miss ‘S’. One Wednesday when out to shop for breakfast (read chapoz that you would see through). Miss ‘S’ showed up. “Why don’t I make you real breakfast” How could ‘V’ refuse? The breakfast offered in this case didn’t matter, but to be near her and to be invited over to her place was a offer so grand.

Miss ‘S’ turned out to be a good chef. ‘V’ hadnt had such breakfast since like forever. Miss S told ‘V’ she was a ‘masseuse’. You should have seen his grin. Thinking how he would take advantage of this. She asked why she didnt see him regularly. He told her of his long and tiring working hours and his odd Wednesday offday. She promised him she could work out something for him. The grin got wider, it spread from his right ear to his left. On that day, ‘V’ didnt show how badly he would have loved to bone Miss S. She too must have wondered but he just wanted to take things slow. He knew massuse didnt have the best of reputation around.

‘V’ asked questions around and it turned out his hunch of the massuse part were right. Miss ‘S’ was a STRIPPER. ‘V’ didnt however break off the friendship created. He decided never to fall prey no matter what. Miss Stripper on the other hand pursued ‘V’ relentlessly, taking him by surprise. She would wait for him at the gate when he was about to get home and would take him to her place for nicely prepared meals. This sudden interest and special treats left him wondering what she saw in him. His pals thought he hit that thing and gossip folks talked. For that reason, ‘V’ decided to save his face and name and avoided Miss Stripper at all cost.

This hurt Miss Stripper big time. She wondered what might have happened since ‘V’ just showed no further interest in her. At one time, a year or so after the ‘breakup’, ‘V’ was having a pizza with a buddy of his and his fiance at Burger Dome and Miss Stripper showed up with a guy who looked like a contented ‘client’. She gave ‘V’ a dirty look and at some point came over to their table and smacked him with a piece the pizza she was having. Never mind the drama. Its a tale for another day.

To cut short the story, ‘V’ made up with Miss Stripper (He is a diplomatic like that ). So over the weekend, they were having a drink and decided to ask why she had interest in him, making dinner, breakfast on Wednesdays and doing his laundry. It was when he was told the ‘inside’ story. Turns out Miss Stripper was told by a ‘unreliable source’ (read ‘V’s cousin) that ‘V’ was a VIRGIN. She had sweared to be the one that teaches him the tricks between the sheets.

SG is still laughing at the thought of being ‘Mr. V’ as he ends this tale.

The Work Situation

After the send off, I was called back. Then two weeks into the year, I get a fatter offer somewhere else. But like Pink says, “there’s the comfort associated with staying with an employer you know.” I remember saying that I would love to delacre I Quit. But I found out its not easy. Being the only one who was retained and being very close to my two bosses. Am now in a situation where I am waiting for them to fire me, then take that other position which still available. Being very few in the office, the work load has been overwhelming! Its been tiring, and with little returns if any. My time here has been curtailed as a result.

The Recession Bites

Business has been low. Low Low Low. Been low that I am DITC-ing (Digging In The Crates) what was made months ago. All the same, there is a bit of a flicker this month. I am not going o go down though. I’ll fight this thing tooth and nail.

The School Situation

School, had to put back the date to March. However, everything pertaining to this has been put in place.  Cant wait to find myself inside a class. I am not backing out of this one. I am tired of jua kali stuff.

The Home Front

Nephew moving out soon as the mother is back.  Has been one of the reasons I have been on the Lunatic Express. Looking forward to taking some home whenever an opportunity comes along.  But I have to get a nice restaurant too. He did save me alot on that part.

The Committee Man

This year I have 5 friends who want to quit the bachelor and bachelorette world. Very close friends.  I am in the committees  that are organizing the dowers and the walks on the aisles. Matter of fact, I am tagged to be the best man in two of those! I dont know what other churches (besides the Roman Catholic) or the law says about being best man and you are not anywhere close to even having a relationship

It scares me that am being left behind. But at the same time, I am in no hurry. Got alot to take care off before I can join them.  Then again, am not a fan of weddings. One of my friends, Cole getting hitched this year is. Most of the Saturdays I called him last year, he always said, “I am at my aunt’s cousin’s uncle, my boss’s brother, my workmate’s sister’s my fiance’s aunt wedding. Weddings weddings weddings! Damn! May be he was doing a research or something. The idea of being in a committee is not even funny. But then again I have to be there for my friends.

This other buddy P who got married three years ago without their parents consent (but it was for all the good reasons) and this is how it went down. Someone takes to him those papers that people sign to his office, he sings. Then the someone takes a matatu to a certain estate’s beauty shop and she signs. They meet in the evening hug, kiss, then dinner. The parents are still in the dark as most of their friends except 4 or 5 of us and now you. This year, they want to make it known so they can live together.  I am the mix for having signed as a witness to this. We are supposed to over see a smooth transition that doesnt get the parents knowing what happened three years ago. Suggestions are welcomed on how to do this are welcomed.

In Other News

My immediate former (never mentioned before here) and whom we didn’t last a year, was born on 29th of this month. Last year I played gentleman and got her something. We haven’t spoken in a very long time. I don’t know if it will be insensitive of me to ignore her when we get to 28th and 1st of March. Matter of fact I dont know why I am even thinking about it because I deleted the number and many other numbers about 5 weeks ago. But at the same time, whats the most sober way to handle the situation?

Off to see whats been cutting at yours.

Office Resources & M.I.A

I just realized I abused office resources more than I thought I did. I had a nice laptop that was used in the evening and very early in the morning before heading to work. It was until it got thugged sometime back in a matatu hijack. I am still building on the resources to replace it. Hence the over reliance on the office resources. Then an axe fell on 90% of the us in the office and I was left on mini opera. That’s why I have been Missing In Action (incase you noticed)

The Back Ground & P.D.F

With the recession starting to bite and the shilling getting weaker against the buck,  the kind of business we are in feels it. People started to do their own stuff, the company lost out on some huge profits. The company gets a wind of the happenings and with no clear culprit(s) in a Pant Down Fix, sends us home. “We will call you back when we clear this matter”

Side Dishes & M.V.H.O

They  like using people or may be misusing.  They give no allowances  just plain commissions which are at times truncated. We did forgive all that but as I said, people started to feel the pinch hence the side dishes which are very appealing by the way. That is In My Very Humble Opinion (Thanx Pink)

The Epiphany & I.Q

Two weeks elapse and no call comes through. The reality yanks me out my rut. I start to see the IMVHO paragraph above. I have been slack about going back to school but the determination I have now is much stronger. I didnt think I made enough money to take part time classes but now my eyes are open. I have between now & Christmas to sort of the school issue. So far so good. We worked our arses off (worked seven days) and put our hearts into the company but the reciprocation was little.  Despite this realization, I would still work with them again but in renegotiated terms. Again, who wants to be fired? I’d like to declare “I Quit!”

Bored Not & A.O.D

Noting I haven’t been home for a day in a very long time, I expected to be bored and all but surprisingly no.  Had long hours of sleep, got to know my neighbors, collected lots and lots of movies, tried to catch up with what you bloggers had, went out of town for the first time in a long time, visited Naivasha, Nakuru, Nyahururu, etc. Had a time to open some old time files but never took the initiative to get some. Am On Diet. Atleast for now.

Going China & G.M.B

I had a problem connecting to the internet on my phone the other and I subsequently called Safcom’s customer care to find out what was cutting. I explained I couldn’t get connected for two days and nobody had tampered with the phone or browser settings. “What make and model of phone are using?” K-750. “Is it the one with an i” That I wasn’t sure so I just said yes. (The ‘i’ on phone model names means the model is meant for international market and not the country of origin) “According to the information I have with me, k-750i does not even have a browser. It should not browse at all” I was dismayed. I stayed calm and explained it does have a browser and the connection was lost when I was the middle of commenting a blog post. “You see GREAM, nowadays there are many of Chinese phones thats why you cannot connect” I did very well not to use the words ’fuck off’. “Madam, maybe its because I was riding in Swaraj KBS when the connection was lost? No it cant be Swaraj is not Chinese. Oooh, I figured it out, I am leaning on a FAW as I talk to you? I just walked away from the China truck, can it connect now? or its because I frequent this Chinese joint or what is it? Was your degree shipped from China?” She was lost for a moment. “In other words madam, I have had this phone for two years,  I have been using it fine until your service went down. Stop blaming China for your issues and Get Me Browsing!”

Merry Xmas

Years back, I used to feel xmas-ish from around Jamhuri day. I dont know where that fire went. For the past few years, I havent been feeling it till it gets to its eve and all manner of text messages fly in with wishes. Incase I dont get to do another post before Xmas, have yourselves a Merry one.

I had performed well in the primary final exams and got myself a call up to a national school. But it was not to be due to some circumstances. Those we had done the exams with reported to school as I bummed around not knowing where I was headed or what the future held for me. “Why don’t you go to this village, ask for a school called this and that and talk to the principal?” I almost cried but my tear well couldn’t come up with much as I had faced other ‘tougher’ situations earlier.

Knowing the School

A Monday morning and I dragged myself to the said school and met the principal. It was there I learnt that it was a mixed day and boarding school. It wasnt much of a debate on whether I was going to be accepted in the school. I was given some forms and a list of what I was required to carry with me to school. I was also asked to report as soon as possible as others had covered much much by then.  Those words did not mean much to me as this was not the kind of a place I had envisioned to study in in high school. I really didnt care. My heart had nothing for this school.

The Partial meeting

When going out is when I met a this friend that I have known since then. I’ll call her PP. I was signing out of the gate when she too came to do the same. She was headed to a neighboring dispensary. Judging from how she looked and handled herself, she looked like a form three or something. “You want to join this school?” She asked. I was in a foul mood at the time. Feeling nothing for any one or anything. I hated everything and I was feeling wasted after all the hard work and the pain I went through to score the highest mark in the school. I just nodded not wanting to talk much. I had done enough talking with the principal and the secretary. Got home eventually and just went to sleep feeling sick like I had a bug or something of the sort.

Reporting & knowing PP

Tuesday, I was given some money to go buy what I required blah blah blah blah and I was done by late afternoon. Got home parked the necessary and slept early still not wanting to talk much. Wednesday, I reported to the school and got there at around Midday. I was cleared in a short while and became the school’s last ‘mono’ for the term. The librarian who cleared me called some students and asked them to help with the the desk, the box and such effects to  Form 1B and take me to the dorms. Among those who came to assist was PP. “I thought you were in Form 3?” I asked. She smiled and told me she was in 1A. We became friends. A platonic pal(PP) ever since.

The first time I heard of a blog, it was from msanii waaaay back in 2004. I got to know him through some of my writings to Buzz and Pulse. I was mainly writing on Kenyan Hip Hop. I dragged opening my blog first blog till 2006. There were too many issues that kept me away. What I wrote was mainly encouraged by what what I heard on radio or albums that I came across. My radio time was reduced greatly for too much running up and down and again, there was no station that played any notable hip hop. No much albums were put out too and a result I sort of quit the game. Not that I have found time to get back to radio or there are suddenly many albums out, its as a result of probably passion and lots of encouragement from some bloggers, boyfulani in particular, friends and the possibility of turning it into a fully fledged magazine like this one or a publication or better yet a career. With time I have also come to learn that you cannot run of stuff to write. The ‘world’ is too big to just ‘quit’. I have three ready posts and they will be put up as time goes by. For those who knew the old blog, I might recycle or revisit some of the posts. This time round, I will fight tooth and nail to stay ‘alive’ right here in this one and the new one greamTheory