Bizarre Rides On The Mat Side

The other day I took a matatu home that had this playlist that reminded me why I love hip hop. Am used to getting into some that play music that really annoys me like binti kiziwi, wezere and others I dont want to mention. It is very rare to come across one that plays Chino XL, Canibus, Mobb Deep (old tracks like shook ones), Pharcyde, M.O.P, Kool G Rap, ATCQ, AZ & Nas, Gangstarr, EPMD Tech9,  & Keith Murray! I mean, all this were into play! For the first time like in the old days when I was younger and had the right to be stupid, I didnt feel like alighting despite the fact that I have all that in my computer. It made me think of a post I can put up on matatus.

Bizarre Side

I dont know what it is with matatu drivers & crew that make them think they own the roads. They will hoot at you and hull insults when you stop to give way or stop at a red light. Citi Hoppa & KBS are also notorious for this especially along Kenyatta Avenue. At one time a driver told me that those in personal cars have made it already and are never in a hurry & are clumsy drivers and thats what makes them furious.  Their failure to give way leads to many small accidents which turn out to be very expensive for the insurance companies.

Chicken Drama

Where I reside, I have two routes to get me to the office or back. One that is more civilized but take me through town then I take another to either home or to the office. This is longer, then I have to bum in the morning (evening is never a problem because I dont get home early) traffic and for me to get to work in time, I have to be awake by 6.30. The second route gets me to the office in 15-20 minutes if I have a ride and 30 minutes if I am taking a matatu. However the route has not police crack downs and it therefore has the most uncouth, archaic and moronic matatu crew I have ever come across. To this day, 5 years after Michuki rules, they carry four passengers per seat. Every time a conductor instructs, “wanne wanne kama orbit” I feel like punching the phuk of the foul mouth.  This route also happens to have lots of mama mbogas and baba maziwa coming from the market with fresh produce. Woe unto you if you have to sit next to one. The other day I had to suspend my legs in the air so I wouldn’t step on  chicken. One lady got in and I asked her if she had colored nail polish on her toe nails otherwise the chicken were going to have a fiesta. I couldn’t help laughing because she had to alight after afew meters, horrified. I had to look for a shoe shiner fast to clean the white, brown & green mavi ya kuku after getting to work. Afew days later we shared a seat. “I have closed shoes today”, she said as I cursed the missed opportunity to be wooed by the said toes that the chicken had fallen for. I had a picture of the chicken ride but cant trace it in my computer. I should put it up when I find it.

Driven a Matatu?

Another thing with this route is, the matatus can stay in one stage for sometime waiting for passengers. Its the kind that one can pack bags in it then rush back to the house for a shower and still get it there at the stage. One evening when heading home, the driver gets off and goes to have a smoke while the conductor got into a mutura joint as we waited. I was itching to get home to watch churchill live but they didnt seem to be in a hurry or bothered by our impatience. I got so infuriated, jumped into the driver’s seat and sped off to the amazement and shock of other passengers. Not to mention I didn’t pay for the ride even though it was a meagre KES3o. It just felt so good. I got off the next stage (about 500 meters or so) and got home just in time. I dont know whether they got their matatu back but am sure none of them is pulling that stunt again on passengers.

Gossip Folks

I hate it when someone asks the driver to lower the volume so he/she can make or pick up an important call. Then proceed to talk loudly like no one else is around. The other day I had a chuckle when a lady picked up a call and couldnt help overhearing the guy on the other end tell her how ‘game’ she was. At times those NOKlAs can be that embarrassing.  Dont pick up a call in matatu. Politely tell the other party you are not in a position to talk.

Insecurity

The said bizarre route is a haven of muggers. So I don’t use it if its very late. It is the same route that this happened. I hear lots of tales of muggings and pick pocketing. There is this notorious group on Ngong Road that gets into a matatu (either route 111, 102, 103, 135, 4, 2) with brown envelopes. Once inside, one of them exclaims “kuna polisi fungeni mishipi” in the mad rush, your pockets are emptied or your handbag cut up and fleeced off your valuables. I hear route 16 to Highrise has weekly reports of hijacks. There is this story of a Thika bound matatu that was hijacked and driven to a coffee plantation where the passengers were stripped naked and each one of them tied to a coffee bush.

The Bright Side

Did I mentioned I got a phone number from the chicken drama lady? Ooh I did. She is a fiiinee one. I call her Chicken Head (tongue in cheek). Some may take it as cheap game but matatus are a fertile ground for pick-ups.

Sometimes back I met this lady with a clothing shop in town. Convincing me a pink shirt will look good took a while but it did work. I have little trouble now looking for good ties & quality socks. I should be getting some good business too from her soon.

I get to talk to alot to matatu drivers to try find out what it is with them and the viability of having your own on the road. Through this I have come to learn alot about the business. If you get a good route you could make good chums. In some other routes, chaos and an endless list of ‘eaters‘ exist.

When I had the K750, it is in matatus that I read most of the blogs. You take a good seat and have a good laugh at the amazing posts that people put up. Cant wait to get back online on mobile.

Edit on 8th May

This was not part of the original post but I had to add this after taking another crazy ride. Was going to work this morning and I got that seat next to the driver. It was raining, the visibility was poor and the driver slowed. I wondered why he was not using the wipers. When it became too much, I turned on the wipers. Instead  of them moving, there came those loud and noisy horns we call parariraz.  The driver told me they dont work any more and he came to a stop. The conductor came out and moved the wipers himself. The demister does not work too and driver asked me to wipe the windscreen for him. In place of the demister, was the loud speaker!

Playlist

The Score (Album)- The Fugees